


Abby in Love

by rayvanfox



Series: Busters in Love [2]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, everyone is gay and holtzmann is poly, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 23:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7734829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayvanfox/pseuds/rayvanfox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jealousy is a thing. <br/>Everyone's got their way of dealing with it. Or avoiding it.<br/>And Abby's just... yeah. <br/>Sheesh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abby in Love

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thanks to bootsnblossoms once again for the beta.   
> <3

Feelings were complicated. And it wasn’t just Holtzmann who was having a hard time navigating them. Abby had to admit she was feeling... troubled by the ‘family’ dynamics at the firehouse. It just happened to be Holtzmann who was the catalyst for all of it. 

Because things weren’t like the old days, when it was just the two of them, anymore. In fact, Abby had somehow become the unofficial spokesperson for the Ghostbusters and had been run off her feet with guest appearances on every kind of show as well as invitations to speak, write, and host all manner of things. She farmed out as much as she could to Erin, who actually liked the attention, but certain things needed Abby’s touch. And hell, she just couldn't say no to a speaking engagement at a camp for girls interested in STEM fields. That was the highlight of the summer, apart from saving New York City

But as a result, Abby’s time in the lab had been significantly curtailed. And she was worried it was putting a strain on things. Number one, letting Holtzmann loose in a fully-funded lab without adult supervision was not the smartest idea. Her creations were getting increasingly weirder, and that was saying something.

And number two, Abby was starting to wonder who Holtzmann was using as a sounding board if not her. Dr Gorin was an infrequent visitor, what with her speaking engagements around the world and her own research taking all of her time. Erin didn’t really seem to  _ get _ Holtzmann, and even though Patty did, she wasn’t as well-versed in the science side of things. 

Abby had never really thought about how much of a dynamic duo she and Holtzy had been before the Ghostbusters. In all honesty, she had still been too wrapped up in the whole Erin breakup thing to really acknowledge how important Holtzmann was to her — not just as a collaborator, but as a friend. A colleague. A partner. 

Partner in the working sense, not the romantic one, of course. 

Though, as there was less and less Abby/Holtzmann time in her life, she was starting to wonder...

“Jealousy is a thing, right? I mean, one that people feel and have to deal with. I’ve heard of it being a problem for folks. That’s true, isn’t it?” Holtzmann was, as per usual, stripping wires for some new bit of tech she was developing, her heavy black boots propped up on the work table. 

“What?” 

It was one of the few afternoons Abby had free for messing around in the lab, and it had taken nearly an hour for Holtzmann to show her all the new toys she’d either ordered or fabricated in the past couple weeks. The tour made Abby wonder if Holtzmann should get out more. So did this left-field question.

“Have you been hanging out with Patty? Where’s this psychology stuff coming from?” 

Holtzmann didn’t even look up from the electronic components in front of her. “Of course I have. But it’s human nature, supposedly. The jealousy. And I’m not positing any new theories, just trying to get my head around the idea.”

Abby turned fully around and looked at Holtzmann, eyes catching on the way she handled the wire strippers. The word ‘deft’ came to mind. “Wait, are you saying you don’t feel it? You don’t have to deal with jealousy?” Abby heard the incredulity in her voice and backed off until nothing but curiosity was left. “What’s that like?”

A shrug was the initial response. No surprise there. Abby knew to wait it out to hear Holtzmann’s well considered answer, so she leaned against the other work table and crossed her arms. 

“It’s hard to define something by the lack of something else. But... Separate love from its starvation economics model, and you have a whole other paradigm in which to flourish.”

“Explain.” It was all Abby needed to say to get Holtzmann to rattle off her train of thought at a mile a minute. 

“Well...” She paused to settle her glasses better on her nose. “If you go off the premise that there’s a finite amount of love someone can give, then the prospect of them giving some of that love to someone else means there’s less for you. But if love is boundless, which it is, then it doesn’t really matter if someone gives their love to another — or many others — as long as they are also giving love to you.” 

“Okay...?”

“So, then...” Holtzmann tilted her head down to look over her glasses at Abby. It was a distinctly reproving gesture, though Holtzmann’s eyes were kind, as always. “Why do people make such a basic mistake all the time, and hence, suffer from jealousy they don’t need to feel?”

Abby tried not to lose focus imagining what could have sparked this conversational thread, and stayed with Holtzmann to see it through to its end. “Because there are many people in the world who, no matter how love works in theory or how much of it there may be, cut off their love to one person when they start giving it to another.”

Holtzmann blinked. Rapidly, multiple times. “Well, that’s just stupid.” She set down her wire strippers and concentrated on twisting wires together as she added, “I mean, you never stopped loving Erin, right?”

Now it was Abby’s turn to blink. She had always been careful to frame her relationship with Erin in a friendship context with outsiders. Not because Erin was eternally worried about what people would think, though that was certainly true, but more because they’d never really been girlfriends, even though what they had been was definitely closer than friends normally were. 

But who could say what was normal? Definitely not Holtzy. Or Abby, for that matter.

Still, it was worth treading lightly here, if only for Erin’s sake. “True, but that’s a special case. Number one, what I felt could never be termed sexual jealousy, which is the one most people suffer from the most.”

“Ohhh... That explains a lot,” Holtzmann said, eyes wide and staring at Abby. “But. Isn’t there also a time element to it?” 

“A time elem—?  Oh, you mean, if I spend all of my time with you, then Erin might get jealous of that because she doesn’t get time with me?”

Holtzmann gave an infinitesimal shrug, the rest of her motionless and waiting, it seemed, for Abby’s answer. 

She sighed. Uncrossed her arms and put her hands in her pockets, only to take them out again and cross them under her chest once more. “Yeah, that’s a thing.” 

Nodding, satisfied, Holtzmann went back to her work, as if the conversation were over. It wasn’t. Not in Abby’s mind, anyway. 

“Do you...” She drifted closer to Holtzmann’s work table, keeping her eyes on the components between them. “Do you feel that? The time-based jealousy?” 

“Um, I don’t really feel time that much at all, to be honest. If Patty didn’t remind me to eat at certain intervals, I’d sort of forget it was progressing.” She reached quickly across the table and touched Abby’s elbow. The contact was brief, but meaningful. They never used to touch each other, except for their secret handshake. Abby thrilled every time she found evidence to support that was no longer the case.

Holtzmann continued with a soft smile. “But  _ you  _ know how that works. Remember when you made that alarm clock that would go off when I’d reach 20 hours at a time in the lab?” Abby nodded. “Patty made me promise to connect it to the lights on this floor so they would turn off when the alarm sounded. Then she sat there and watched me to make sure I did it.” 

A sharpness cut through Abby’s solar plexus and left a watery weakness behind. “Oh. So... Patty keeps you company so you don’t notice...” She couldn’t bring herself to say ‘my absence.’

“Honestly, I don’t notice much when I’m really focused on my work and there are no distractions.” Holtzmann let her feet drop off the table and then pushed a stool out from under it for Abby. “But I’ve missed having you in here with me.” 

She half-turned away to rummage through a bin of resistors, but Abby swore she could see Holtzmann’s cheeks getting pink. 

“Oh, man. Me too. I mean, I’ve missed this a ton. Us, together. Working.” 

“Good to know.” It was almost a whisper, and was immediately trampled on by the rest of what Holtzmann said. “So maybe you can carve out more time in your schedule for lab time? I’m almost ready to start some experiments that I could use your eyes on.”

“Absolutely. Can’t let you have all the fun,” Abby said with a fond smile. 

“It’s not as much fun without you, Abs.” Holtzmann was using her flat, comically robotic voice, but Abby wasn’t fooled. 

Her smile spread even wider as she nudged Holtzmann lovingly. There wasn’t any need to reply. The conversation had run its course, and now it was time to make some science happen. 

 

—

 

Patty had that look on her face. The one that was way too intent and made the receiver worry that she could see right through them or something. It made the prospect of getting a snack in the kitchen a fraught one. 

“Hey, Patty... What’s up?” Abby didn’t mean to sound so hesitant, but she couldn’t help it. Patty, for all her loving qualities, could be intimidating. 

“Nothin’. You got that contraption on your head and you’re grabbing some food. You in the lab with Holtzy?” Patty crossed her arms and canted her hip. She meant business. Had Abby done something wrong? Was this the reason Holtzmann had been fixated on jealousy?

Shit.

“Um, yeah. You wanna come hang out? We’re not doing anything you couldn’t join in on, though you might wanna change into a hazmat suit...”

Patty’s face was hanging somewhere between a grin and a grimace. Abby was still frozen in place, watching. “Nah, I’m catching up on my favorite podcast, The Bowery Boys. You ever heard of it?” She barely waited for Abby to shake her head before she continued. “It’s about the history of New York, and it’s fascinating. See, the Bowery Boys were this gang in the 19th century, but the hosts talk about all sorts of eras and locations and just really interesting stuff. They’ve done a few walking tours, too. I’ll send you a link.”

When Patty got on a tear about something she was interested in, it wasn’t far off from the way Holtzmann just sort of spewed gobs of information at you. It was no wonder they’d become close. 

Abby just nodded slowly. “Yeah, cool. I’ll check it out.”

“You should. I know you got a bunch of travel ahead of you, and this shit is great for long ass commutes, I’m tellin’ you.” 

After a moment, Patty seemed to remember that Abby was holding a bag of pretzels and two full water bottles for a reason. “Hey, hold up. That’s not enough. C’mere.” She gestured for Abby to follow her to the counter, where she grabbed a container of mixed nuts and a couple pieces of fruit from a large, full bowl. 

She silently dumped the extra items into Abby’s arms, then went on, “But anyway, I’ll let you get back to experimenting. I just wanted to make sure Holtzy was getting fed, but you got it covered now.”

“That’s... it?” 

“Sure. I try to check on her every few hours, make sure she isn’t dehydrated or has low blood sugar. You know a shaky hand could be fatal with the shit she’s always working on. I tried setting a little phone alarm for her, but she just ignores it. Anyway,” Patty waved her hand dismissively and turned to head back towards the dorm end of the hallway. “You two have fun!”

“Thanks...”

Abby headed towards the stairs down to the lab, shaking her head. If it wasn’t Patty who got jealous, what was Holtzmann even talking about earlier? Because it was highly improbably she would have thought about it on her own. 

When Abby got back to the lab, Holtzmann was playing with her lighter and staring at the almost fully stabilized containment unit. Without looking away, and with a deadly serious voice, she said, “Something about the door to that thing looks like a big fucking mouth. Can’t you just see it opening its gaping maw and breaking into song?” Before Abby could respond, she quietly started singing, “She seems to have an invisible touch, yeah! She reaches in and grabs right hold of your heart.”

Then she turned and started to walk toward Abby like a zombie, continuing to intone, “She seems to have an invisible touch, yeah! It takes control and slowly tears you apart.”

To be fair, it was the near constant flick of the lighter — on then off — which made Abby the most nervous. It was more like a mini blowtorch, and Holtzmann had started to do some weird slow dance and was definitely not paying attention to how close the blue flame was getting to her clothes and hair. 

“Okay! Time for a snack!” she called breezily, trying to disguise her nerves. Setting the food and water bottles on her work table, she added, “Come on, Holtzmann. Patty will be mad at me if you don’t eat something.”

Holtzmann flicked off the lighter and hopped up so she was sitting on the table right next to the nut mix. She grabbed an apple, and one huge bite and only a couple chews later, she garbled, “She really said that? She’d be mad?”

“No,” Abby conceded, leaning her hip against the table and opening the pretzels. “She just wanted to make sure you ate.”

Holtzmann grinned, another huge bite of apple between her teeth. With her mouth once again full, she said. “Yeah. She’s good at that. Stocks the fridge and everything.” Finally a swallow came before she added, “I’m not allowed more than one tube of Pringles a day, though.”

“That... That’s a reasonable limit, Holtzy. You and I rely too heavily on salty, crunchy things, my friend,” she said as she bit down on a pretzel. 

Another wide grin, this one without apple hanging out of it. “You are not wrong.”

“But am I right?” Abby asked with an indulgent smile.

“Remains to be seen. Experimentation might be in order.” Holtzmann took three more quick bites of the apple and tossed the core into the garbage can. 

 

—

 

A couple — three? more? — hours later, Abby’s phone rang. It was Erin.

“Hey! How’s your day going, Er?” 

“Um, fine. Boring, but fine. You wanna get dinner?” Her voice sounded casual. Which meant she wasn’t. 

“Ye— Yeah? In a bit? I’m in the middle of something, but I can be ready in like...” Abby glanced over at Holtzmann, who was wielding a full-sized blowtorch like it was a paint brush. “Gimme half an hour? Holtzmann and I just—”

“Oh. Well, I don’t want to interrupt. It’s fine. It’s fine. I can—”

“No, Erin, it’s okay. We can be done here in a little bit. I’d love to grab dinner with you. I wanna hear about that... thing you did today.” Abby couldn’t remember which appearance she’d begged Erin to take on so that she could have a free afternoon for once. 

“The interview for Fresh Air, Abby. Do you have any idea how bad of an interviewer Terry Gross is? Bad. Very very bad.” She sounded somewhere between affronted and amused, which was her standard way of reacting to something that annoyed the shit out of her. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, hon. I’ll make it up to you. Where do you wanna eat? Your pick; my treat.”

There was a short pause before Erin answered. “Are you sure you can drag yourself away? Holtzmann doesn’t need you?” 

Suddenly cautious about where this conversation was going, Abby said, “Nooo? I mean, no she doesn’t need me, so yeah, I can go eat with you. Everything okay?”

“Yep, uh-huh. Just fine. I wanna go to for sushi.”

“Okay, great!  There’s that place down the street, we can—” 

“Only if it’s just us two. Like old times, you know?” Erin made a faint effort to laugh. She did that after being more bossy than she meant to. 

“Sure, yeah. That’s what I meant. Just us, so we can catch up, look at our calendars, get on the same page...” Abby trailed off with the distinct feeling that the two of them were very much on different pages at that moment. 

It was even more apparent when Erin’s voice went flat. Distant. “Sure. Same page. Sounds good. See you there in thirty?”

“Yeah, I... Erin?” But she’d already hung up, and Abby was left with a chill running through her. “Shit.”

Snapping the blowtorch off, then blowing on it like it was a recently fired gun, Holtzmann pulled her goggles off and asked, “What’s up?”

“I... I dunno. Erin is acting... weird.” 

“Like, possessed-weird or possessive-weird?” Holtzmann asked, with more perception than Abby would have thought possible.

“Oh. Like... maybe she really is jealous?” Abby sat down on her stool and flapped her hand ineffectively. “Of you?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Holtzmann put down the blowtorch and took off her gloves. “Patty totally called it. I was hoping the time you gals have spent doing all those interviews and stuff would’ve helped.”

“Yeah, but we keep not doing them together for some reason.” Abby knew the reason — because there were so many, and she wanted to cut the time they spent doing them in half, not double it. But it was possible that wasn’t the correct way to go about this. 

“Maybe...” Holtzmann came over and stood close to Abby in a way that would be creepy from anyone else, but from her felt comforting. “Maybe it’s not time-based jealousy, but the other one?”

Abby frowned at her. “Sexual jealousy? No, I told you it wasn’t like that between us.” 

“Yeah, but that was before I professed my love to all three of you, and we all started having cuddle sessions on the rec room bed.” Holtzmann held her mouth in a way gave off either a sucks-to-be-you vibe, or an I-sympathize-with-you vibe. It was hard to tell which. 

“Huh,” Abby half huffed, half laughed, and nudged Holtzmann’s arm with hers. “You are not wrong, my friend.” 

“No, I’m not. I just don’t know exactly what I’m right about.”

“Fair point. Mind if I head out?” Abby thumbed towards the lab door just as Patty walked through it. 

Holtzmann had opened her mouth to answer, but paused, breath held, as Patty took in the cozy scene. 

“Ah... I was just checking that you weren’t dead and stuff, don’t mind me. I’ll—”

“No, it’s fine, Patty. Abby was just headed out to have dinner with Erin.” The way Holtzmann drew out Erin’s name, it was clear she and Patty had talked about this. Possibly at length. 

Patty’s eyes grew wide and she nodded slowly. “Oh, that’s great. Have a good time. We won’t wait up.” 

Abby wondered if this is what it felt like when your parents were happy you were going out on a date with a ‘nice boy’. Ugh. “Okay, thanks...” As she took off her safety goggles, gloves, and apron, she watched Patty approach Holtzmann. 

“Does that mean you’re free for dinner, baby?”

Baby? Patty had started using that word more and more, but, Abby realized, almost exclusively to Holtzmann. Was there something going on there?

“Ah, yeah. I guess so.” Holtzmann reached out and let her fingertips trail down Patty’s velour-clad forearm. “Wanna order in?”

“Sure, but we’re not eating anywhere on this floor. I’m making you come up to the rec room and have dinner like people do.”

Holtzmann’s arms shot up into the air, her hands balled into fists. She looked like she’d just made a touchdown. Or kicked the extra point. “YES! Picnic on the bed!”

Patty’s smile was generous and fond and the most beautiful thing Abby had seen all week. Except for the schematic of Holtzmann’s idea for a new and better ghost trap. Patty chuckled and looked over to Abby. “She’s like my eight year old nephew, I swear. But always fun, you know?”

Feeling a strange mix of proud and bereft, Abby did her best to keep her face from broadcasting her emotions as she nodded. “Yep, sure do.” 

As she turned to leave, Holtzmann held her hands out with a ‘slow down’ motion and said, “Hey, I hope dinner with Erin is... good. I’ll be tinkering in here later if you want to... join me?” Her lightning-quick glance at Patty received an encouraging nod. 

That same strange mixed-up feeling roiled in Abby’s stomach, but she just smiled faintly and nodded. “Okay, thanks. See you gals later.”

She walked out with negotiations about take-out places in her ears, and what felt like a gaping hole in her chest. She tried her best to ignore both.   
  


—   
  


Dinner was nice. Erin had smiled her real, genuine smile when she caught sight of Abby already seated in a booth, and seemed much calmer than she had on the phone. They got to catch up on the last few hectic days, which they both really needed. Lots of laughs, lots of sake, sooo much delectable raw fish and rice. 

Of course, after more than a couple of those little ceramic flasks of sake, both of them had unwound enough to stumble into murky conversational waters.

To be fair, Abby had inadvertently started it by talking about something silly that happened in the lab that afternoon. She was just trying to make Erin laugh, but instead, she was slowly turning her little sake cup on the table, eyes downcast. By the time she cleared her throat, Abby had trailed off into worried silence. 

“So, you and Holtzmann are hanging out again? That’s happening?” There was that casual-not-casual tone again. 

“No? I’ve been really busy. This was the first time we got to spend time in the lab in forever.” 

“Except at night. You hang out there late at night. Either that or you’re having sleepovers on the rec room bed.”

“What? I go to the lab late at night to make sure she actually goes to bed and gets some sleep, Erin. And we don’t have sleepovers in that bed, we just watch TV. I mean, I’ve been run off my feet recently, so sometimes I doze off, but... What is this about?”

“What d’you mean?” Erin did that thing where she sort of twitched her head to the side just enough to toss her bangs off of her eyebrows. It was cute, but also a nervous gesture. “I’m just wondering.”

“What exactly are you wondering?” Abby asked, bracing her forearms on the table and leaning forward. 

“I dunno, if you... I mean, weren’t you two  _ close  _ before I came back into the picture?” With one chopstick, Erin was poking one of the remaining maki rolls on her plate, focusing so hard on it that Abby couldn’t help but look, too. The cream cheese squished in an uncomfortable way. Granted, this was better than trying to make eye contact.

“We were colleagues and partners in scientific investigation. And friends, yes. But Holtzmann doesn’t really function like other people.”

Erin snorted. “No shit.”

Abby decided to ignore that remark. “Holtzy and I were never as close as you and I were, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“But  _ Holtzy _ is in love with you, so now’s your chance, Abby. You always liked the nerdy ones.” 

Abby just stared at her. One of the things she and Erin had bonded over when they first met was the fact that they were both nerds. Bringing that up was a stab in the gut. 

“You know what Holtzmann is doing right now? While I’m here with you?” Abby was having a hard time keeping her voice from cracking, whether it was from outrage or the threat of tears she couldn’t quite tell. “She’s having a picnic on the rec room bed with  _ Patty.  _ You talk about closeness — those two are the epitome of closeness these days.”

“So?” Erin braced her palms on the edge of the table and leaned forward. “She’s  _ poly, _ Abby.” 

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to try to  _ date _ her, Er.” Abby’s heart skipped a beat, and she had to take a breath to regroup. What she’d said wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth, either. Not that it mattered right now. “I don’t understand why you care so much, anyway.”

Erin leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m just looking out for you.” 

“No, you’re not. You’re doing something else, but I don’t get why. We just agreed to do more appearances and interviews jointly so that we can spend more time together, so it’s not that.” Abby’s stomach did a belly flop in her innards and a cool sheen of sweat appeared on her skin. Her mouth was dry as she asked, “So what is it you really want, Erin?”

Shrugging for Erin was usually a way of feigning dismissal, and that was definitely the case at the moment. She tried to take a sip out of her sake cup, then grimaced when it was empty. “I just... I miss you. I miss how we used to be. But now you and Holtzmann are like that, and Patty’s so lovable you — your face just shines when you look at her, too, and I dunno. I’m over here feeling like Ghost Girl to the whole world and you’re just... so  _ good _ at all of this publicity stuff, and...” Her face was all scrunched, and it sounded like her throat was threatening to close up, and even before she stopped and took a breath, Abby had placed a gentle hand on hers. It was so hard to watch Erin cry because she hated doing it so much. Especially in public. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m a Ghost Girl too, you know. We’re in this together, Er. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

“I just miss you,” Erin sighed, wiping away tears. “I miss late nights in bed coming up with incredible theories and then proving them the next morning. I miss waking up with your hair tickling my nose. I miss sitting on the couch together with my toes tucked under your thigh, each reading a different book and sharing interesting passages. I miss the couch.”

“The couch...?” Abby had been holding one of Erin’s hands in both of hers, her heart melting into a puddle, but she was brought up short by the couch. What did furniture have to do with anything?

“I don’t know how to be like that with the other gals. I don’t want to be — at least not yet. But now we have this huge bed where the couch was and somehow I still feel like there’s no room for me on it. I dunno. Never mind.” She shook her head minutely, her bangs flicking off her eyebrows again, and sniffed. She closed her eyes and pulled her hands into her lap. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Growing pains, I guess. I’m happy you have a family.  _ We  _ have a family.” She opened her eyes and smiled like her world was ending.

Such a brave face. God, Abby loved her so much.

“You can always cuddle up with me on my end of the bed...” Abby knew her response was inadequate, but it was what she could offer at the moment. Processing the rest of it would take a bit more time. 

Erin exhaled in a way that could have been either a sob or a laugh, but Abby was pretty sure she was smiling. “Yeah? I’d like that.”

“Good. We’ll make Holtzmann stop hogging the middle and you and I can spoon together.”

“Really?” Erin’s hand crept back to where Abby’s was still resting on the table top. Her long, thin fingers stroked the back of Abby’s hand until she turned it over so Erin could hold it. 

Abby took a deep breath and let it out slowly, squeezing Erin’s fingers gently but steadfastly. “Really.” 

If this was what working through jealousy looked like, even within Holtzmann’s starvation economics model, Abby would take it. Nothing felt better than being on the same page with Erin again. Except maybe sleeping in the same bed. 


End file.
